Someone send me a nice message regarding a blog i wrote a few days ago, i guess i’m just sad. In it he said:
Very insightful blog……wonderful that you can let go of such things…….even if they do not seem all that sad……although perhaps a bit mundane……..
I think now because you unlocking your potential for great joy perhaps there is just regret for not knowing such things were possible back then
I feel it was a very nice comment, and i appreciate it, but i also feel it calls for a response on my part. I assume he is referring to childhood spankings as mundane. Let me further explain why this makes me so sad.
My soul is from the future. I have lived in a time where no violence exists, period. Where i come from, no one would EVER, under ANY circumstances hit/spank a child, And, no one would EVER consider encouraging a child to suppress his/her emotions. From my point of view, in my personal Earth experience in this now, i am completely horrified by what most people consider to be mundane. And so, from my point of view, it is TREMENDOUSLY sad to think about adults expressing any sort of violence towards children.
People of Earth: Adults hitting children under ANY circumstances is not appropriate. It doesn’t not matter is if is “only a wacke on the butt”. Plus, you adults most certainly think you are spanking lighter than you actually are. Skin is skin. You know how hard you need to be hit to leave a red mark, right? It hurts even a adult. Imagine what that level of pain feels like to a child! Not to mention the fear of having the wacke come from someone 2 to 3 times your size who claims to love you! Imagine it from the eyes of your child. Imagine the fear. Imagine the pain. Do you really want to inflict that upon your child?
I remember. I remember the fear… almost terror. I remember pleading “No no, please no”. To my parents, these were just the words of a kid who didn’t want to be spanked, trying to get out of what seemed to them to be a reasonable punishment for a standard childhood misbehavior. However, i now remember the fear behind my pleading. Those were not just words. I can feel now what i couldn’t articulate then. I remember squirming with all my might to get away, trying unsuccessfully to cover my butt with my hands to protect myself. I remember. Your child will remember too. When i put myself in the shoes of my 6 year old self, and consider the level of fear i now know that i had, i can honesty say i can’t ever remember feeling that level of fear as an adult. Ever. I was once ruffied and robbed in my 20’s and i wasn’t as afraid of my assailants as i was of my father when i was spanked. Please try to imagine what it is like, from the eyes of a child, to have an adult who is supposed to love you unconditionally being the one to induce that level of fear. And then imagine trying to sort that out as an adult. The emotion you feel as an adult is sadness.
And to be clear, this blog is not just about spanking, it is about the level of violence that we as a human race have come to accept as acceptable. Violence is everywhere. On primetime TV, the news, and in video games. We subject our children to this so much that is doesn’t even phase them when they hear about someone getting shot or murdered on the 5 o’clock news. In fact, many kids are virtually killing people everyday in video games. They love it! They live for it!
The level of violence that we as a culture have accepted as “mundane” is not at all mundane. It’s is not ok. WAKE UP!!
What kind of world do you WANT to live in? What kind of world do you want your grandchildren to live in? How about your grandchildren’s children? The current trend does not look good for this humanity. The time is NOW to turn it around. Get to it. Turn off the TV. Turn off the news, and throw away the God Damned video games. And for the love of God, if you are a parent who still thinks it’s ok to spank your kids, let me be clear: IT IS NOT OK, STOP IT!
There are much better ways to get through to your child. There is a better outlet for your frustration. And please, if you are still a spanker, DO NOT BE ASHAMED. You are only doing what you have been taught to do. It’s not you fault, nobody is blaming you or accusing you of being a bad parent. BUT now that you know the TRUTH, if you continue, you need to know that you will be inducing negative effects towards your child’s longterm development. Please read this CNN article written by an associate professor at the Columbia University School of Social Work. In it he describes what studies have shown are the long term effects of spanking.
Don’t be afraid of self improvement. Don’t be ashamed to admit you have room to improve as a person. We all are growing. Next time you feel the need to spank your child, take a deep breath. Walk away. Seek out a parenting class that will give you more constructive ways to deal with “misbehavior”. Talk to you pediatrician. There is a wealth of free information on the internet. Seek it out. Be the change you want to see, for your children, and their children, and their children far into the future. The time for change is now. You are a Being of light meant only to bring peace and love to your experience and that of your children, so bring it. You can do it! I know you can. I love you.